Have you ever stopped to think that everyone has something going on in their life that effects their behavior? The man who just cut you off in traffic, the women who screamed at the bank teller, the homeless person on the corner asking for money.
I am dealing with ALS, true enough. However, there are people out there dealing with divorce, abuse, poverty, hunger, depression, other illnesses, etc. The thing to keep in mind is that there is always someone that has it better than you and always someone who is worse off.
It is so easy to judge the person behind the behavior, but in all truth we rarely know what is driving the specific behavior. Let me share an example:
Our family was running errands and we stopped at King Soopers. Because of my ALS, I have a handicap license plate and placard. I was tired and wanted to stay in the car while Jennifer picked up a few things.
A man walked in front of our car and the handicap parking space. He looked at the emblem on the car…then up at me…then back to the car…and then mouthed something to me. I opened the door and asked him what he said. “You’re a tool,” was his reply. O.K. I’m not sure what that means, but I know it is not complimentary. He mentioned that I don’t look disabled and I countered with the fact that I have ALS and he didn’t know what he was talking about. He went back to the “tool” comment and walked into King Soopers. I was smoldering. Still waiting for Jennifer to return I calmed down until my “tool” friend returned. I rolled down the window, “May I ask you a question?” He did not reply. I asked, “What does disabled look like to you?” For all he knew I was a paraplegic sitting in the car. He just shook his head and continued walking. My final comment, “I hope you sleep well tonight.” I wanted him to think about our interaction that evening. I sure did.
I was really upset by this mans audacity and ignorance. (Ironically, I had previously been judgmental to whom should be in handicap spots before ALS). But then I started feeling sorry for him. Something in his life triggered his reaction that I was completely unaware of. Could he just be class A jerk? Sure, but something would have made him that way. I just fell right into it with my verbal volley. The moral for me was that all of us are wired differently and maybe my job is just to observe behaviors and not judge the people. It takes a lot of the angst out of situations and keeps me mindful. This leads to less stress and I’m all about that!
Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to say this is how I handle all confrontation, but I would be a liar. However, taking the time to review a situation and evaluate how things could have happened different makes us better people for the next time somebody’s “issue” comes right smack in the middle of our perfect lives and upsets the apple cart.
Our world needs more patience and understanding. There is so much conflict that could be easier resolved. Will this mindfulness bring peace in the middle east? How about fixing our financial or political system? I don’t know, but if we all put a little positive energy out there, I know it will help. What do you think?
ALS Living - The Bishops' Perspective 
Judgement vs. mindfulness – Great article and so true. I also have ALS (Progressive Bulbar Palsy) and sometimes get very frustrated, but when I hear about someone elses troubles; I stop and think how lucky I am. Definitely need to stay positive and random acts of kindness are so awesome to make you feel better and the person who receives this kindness. I try to do at least one act of kindness a day and be patient with others.